A Week That is Best Happy Left Behind

I am very happy that my wonderful friend, Sister of my Heart, Lily, has returned from China.
After seeing her mother through major surgery in their village in NE China, she stayed for a few days of the Spring Festival. We call it Chinese New Year. Her husband, Jin, has also been in China during this time, but they have not been together, due to work demands. He will finally return here tomorrow. We all miss him very much. Lily is one of the strongest, and bravest women I have ever known. I love her very much, and have loved her since I first met her. It is amazing, how one can meet someone from halfway around the world and instantly know we are connected at the deepest level - at the heart. I am so very grateful for her friendship.

This week has been for me a time of falling back. Into the fog...of depression; of anxiety. I screwed up my meds for possibly ten days or so, before I realized it. By the time the symptoms appeared, it was late enough that depression had already set in. So I am back on schedule, in terms of taking my full load of drugs. I even resent having to take all the drugs; however, I know this will pass. In another couple of days, I should be back to 'normal' in terms of my mood and having the 'fog' lifted. I hate that this happens. I also accept that this is part of my life now.

A member of our MeetUp Group was killed in a tragic ski accident a week ago. She was a highly skilled rescue team member of a local mountaineering ski group, and a champion in racing competitions. She was also a physical therapist at a local hospital. All this despite having traumatic brain injury. She was hit by a car while riding her mountain bike 7 years ago.  A very strong, brave woman.  We will miss her very much.

There has been other good news today. Leo, my caramel tiger kitty, has been coughing for a while now.  It has gotten worse, and my fears about what it might be have been terrible. I finally got up my nerve and took him for his second vet visit today. The first, a month ago, did nothing to help him. This time, I feel far more confident that what he has is simply asthma, and that it can be controlled. So, I am no longer worried that I might lose my little lover boy to some horrendous disease such as heart worms. Thank you, God.

So, I will go and visit Lily and Jin on Saturday. They will cook some fabulous Chinese food (the real kind) and I will bring dessert. We will play UNO and drink wine and beer and Cocoa the Wonder Dog will charm everyone, as usual. I believe a newcomer from Shanghai will be there to enjoy our way of weekend celebrating.

As I mentioned before, I usually bring dessert, since Chinese people do not have traditionally have ovens and baking is a foreign concept (literally). However, I like the idea of sharing American traditions as well.

This baking cookbook has fabulous recipes that are simple, yet elegant. I love the photos and tips, and when I need to bring something homemade to a dinner party, this is the book I reach for, every time.

It is spiral bound, which means it sits flat on your surface. The illustrations provide great visual ideas of what you are going for...I think this is so helpful. There are substitutions, allowances for different types of pans, just so many tips and bits of advice for cooks and bakers at all levels of experience.

I just might show up with dessert along with this wonderful cookbook for our weekend get-together.

It has been, after all, a week that is best happy left behind.

Let us hope for better days, most especially for those in Egypt and Tunisia.

Stay tuned. Wishing you all well.

Terry

The News

There was a time in my life, not so many years ago, that I completely ignored the News. Did not read newspapers; turned the channel on TV; gave up talk radio. I was seeking 'inner peace', as it is often called, and my sense was that the News is most often Bad News.
Gradually, over time, my quest for knowledge and curiosity has got the better of me. Or is that an idiom, given that my interest in the News has not provided much personal satisfaction, nor personal growth. This is what I am thinking today.
After a commitment to spend less time chasing down political links hither and yon, to prove one point after another to this person and then that one, here I am watching yet another compelling course of drama unfold. This time, it is outside the borders of the United States. This time, many of us are horrified to see protests in nations across the globe; revolts in what appear to be piteous, bloody, and yet, well-needed causes, against dictatorships that have not served their people for far too long. How primitive humanity still remains!
I am reminded once again how fortunate we are to live in America: Land of the Free. These words still mean something very deep and personal to me. I do not need to join other citizens on a street against the military, risking my life and perhaps that of my loved ones, because there is not enough food or fuel, being willing to do anything to throw out a dictator who lives a life of luxury while the masses suffer every day. Let us pray this never happens here.
I say that watching the News has not brought me personal growth, because just now, all I feel is sorrow for those who are in pain. I feel a bit lost for the state of our own Union, which seems so divided and angry. I wish I could summon up some bright enlightening glimpse of a better future, having watched all this on TV, or having read all this on other Media sources.  For example, on CNN.com:

Will Egypt's unrest spread?

updated 4 hours, 1 minute ago

Four regional experts explain what could happen next

All I feel is more informed, and saddened.

Stay tuned. Surely it will get better.
Terry

Passing the continuing education for my real estate broker's license was a tremendous accomplishment today. I feel like jumping in the air and singing! Just a couple of years ago, I could not do this on my own. Time and effort has indeed shown results that I can see, here today. For me, this is a BIG deal.

When I saw the opportunity to add a link to Amazon.com to my Blog, I did so without hesitation. As a regular Amazon customer, I thought I would share some of my favorite buys and tips.

First, if you are a reader, I suggest always heading to Amazon's Used Books for paperbacks or hard covers. The selection is so extensive that I can honestly say I have always found the book I was seeking, and I am an avid reader; Book Club Member. Here is an example of a book I recently bought that I love so much, I have recommended it to all my friends:



Second, I love to shop for kitchen gadgets and hard-to-find cookware/bakeware items on Amazon.com. I have loved cooking for about 25 years now, ever since cooking shows began to appear on TV. Thus, I am totally happy when I find just the right pan or gadget that makes preparing a certain dish so much easier! One fabulous find for getting the perfect cooking time right, both indoors and outdoors, no matter what you may be roasting or grilling:



Okay, one last fav item and we will be done with shopping tips for the day. I adore my hound dog Cocoa, and absolutely nothing is too good for her. We pet owners all have our local stores, of course; however, Amazon.com has great deals on items such as the one I buy regularly for my aging companion. Cocoa is 11 (88 in dog years?) and has arthritis in her joints. Without her Glucosamine cookies, simply walking would be painful. Added to her diet, she runs and plays and does quite well. So keeping the cost low for these special and important treats is critical:



Back from shopping! I hope everyone is having a great day as well. A good friend called to tell me her good news, so perhaps there is a bright star overhead - I hope it is shining over you as you read this post.

Stay tuned...

Terry

ps: I now have a TBI doctor and my first appointment is next week!

Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

Inspiration - Glimmers of Hope

I was inspired over the past few days by several events. Listening to President Obama speak, I felt a sense of hope about our nation once again. I have strong political views, and I have made an effort to curb my impulsive tendencies to rush to post on FaceBook everything I see or think as soon as I find mention of it on-line. However, I remain hopeful for a kinder, gentler America.

I am also touched by friendship as I write this post. More than one person in my life has gone beyond my expectations recently to provide love and support. I struggle with boundaries. Having lived as somewhat a 'hermit' for quite a while, it is difficult for me to know how to be a friend - to receive friendship. I go overboard; then I become painfully hurt when my (sometimes) expectations are not always met.

In psychological terms, this is known as Borderline Personality Disorder. Interesting that I have not yet shared this awareness with my therapist yet. But I recognize it. When one has been abandoned by one's parents, in fact by the entire family at a very young age, it is not surprising that other means of coping step in by our inner personality. I am learning, just now, how much this has shaped my life. In so many ways...failed relationships as well as chronic illnesses.

As I am seeking a new way of living, one that does not focus on the hurts of the past, but instead acceptance of what is the truth of today, and developing an understanding of who I really am, I am most especially grateful for moments of inspiration.

Health | Rehab likely to be hardest task Rep. Giffords will ever do | Seattle Times Newspaper

Health | Rehab likely to be hardest task Rep. Giffords will ever do | Seattle Times Newspaper

Today I want to talk about what reinventing my life has meant for me, this time around. This is not a new concept, at least in my own experience. I have read much about this topic in magazines and other publications, as the economy turned downward and folks began seeking different life solutions.

Having experienced and managed invisible chronic illnesses (in various forms) for several decades now, I can look back and see that one of my coping skills has been to 'change it up' - including geographical cures, when necessary. I have also reinvented myself through career changes; however, brain damage after radio surgery, and then TBI (traumatic brain injury) when my horse threw me just a month afterward, changed the reality picture dramatically.

It took a while for things to sink in, frankly. When I realized that I was not the person I was beforehand, life as I had known it had already begun to shift just slightly - barely perceptively - under my feet. Despite assurances from highly renowned physicians and therapists, as well as friends, that I was 'fine', I knew deep inside that the "me" that used to be - wasn't there in the same way. So for three long years, I endured gradual contempt from the medical community as my condition worsened. My assets, credit and savings were plundered, and my ability to work was ridiculed. To a man, there was virtually no one that truly believed that I was ill at that time. I had no family - no mom or dad - no sisters or brothers or children - no husband. None. So those friends who backed away, one at a time. Those hurt pretty bad. I will say that there were a small handful that did not; however, my emotional state was so broken towards the end (before I packed up to move) that I could barely hold up my own end of a normal relationship.

Today, my conditions have been thoroughly explained, and diagnosed, and I am under treatment. This occurred only after I travelled across the US to seek better medical care.

Those years took a toll on me emotionally. I watched friend after friend turn and walk away; stop calling. After surgery, I developed Emotional Lability - the surgeon nicked my frontal lobe with the laser - and thus I have severe difficulty controlling crying when the least trigger of emotion occurs. This is one primary factor in my inability to work. I also lost the ability to multi-task (completely!); cannot tolerate noise or bright lights; I become confused under certain levels of stimuli. There are so many other things that trigger problems that it is not worth listing. I have brain damage. In any event, after three lengthy and painful denials, I was finally approved for SSDI (Social Security Disability and Medicare Insurance) coverage. Three years after my disability date. After seeking help from my Congressman.

I am not alone in my experience. Invisible Chronic Illness is a painful, lonely life for those who happen to roll those dice. A common phrase among us is, "If we had a wheelchair, perhaps others would recognize our situation more respectfully." This is not to say that we want a wheelchair. It is to say that we are weary of being told that since we look 'just fine', we should be ' just fine'; we should 'get more exercise'; 'eat better'; 'think more positively'. A good friend told me yesterday, "if my left leg was missing, would someone tell me I should put my leg back on?" Okay, so perhaps my point has been made about Chronic Invisible Illness. I hope this helps someone understand, and even develop a degree of empathy. This would be great for you and the person you know who deals with the illness(es).

So, I am here in Seattle, and my opportunity to reinvent myself is wide open! I have all the beginnings I dreamed of, while awaiting back in Florida during those dark days. Wonderful cool weather (no more hot, steaming humidity) and the beauty I have only briefly begun to know. After 20 years of visiting, I am so proud to now call the Pacific Northwest my home.

In my next post, I hope to talk about my progress with my health as well as forays into work and fun...

Stay tuned and thanks for listening.

--Terry